On March 22nd the entire populace of McLean, Virginia has decided to go outside. This Saturday, the first warm day of Spring, proves the continuity of the age old tradition. Denizens of McLean exit their homes, for the first time after months of hibernation, and flock to the multitude of local parks and forested areas.

But for many this sudden mass exodus is a problem. Nature walks with limited parking options soon became completely inaccessible to members of the public who woke up late or hadn’t been hibernating. All along Georgetown Pike, parking points for Difficult Run and Scott’s run were packed with cars, making it impossible to get in or out. But even worse, once park-goers managed to actually enter nature parks, they were faced with overcrowding the likes of which they had never seen.

“I couldn’t even see any nature,” Senior and avid hiker Benjamin Bloom said, “[the hibernators] were everywhere.” These people, who had remained draped in snuggies for the better part of this winter, were now outdoors stretching every muscle in their bodies to try and shake off the atrophy. Regular nature observers were disturbed by McLeanites stumbling around and trying to readjust their eyes to the real world after nothing but constant netflix for months. Reports also stated that an array of awakened McLeanites was seen holding their cellphones skyward at every Potomac River overlook. When confronted, one grumbled that he was trying to find cell service to post a photo to instagram.

Over time the weekend journeys made by these newly awakened individuals will diminish in frequency, but regular hikers estimate it will be weeks before they will be able to appreciate their cherished nature walks in peace. Residents located near coastal areas are advised to be alert this summer. It is predicted that the week following June 17th will be the beginning of the week-long westward migration of McLean youths to local beaches. This phenomenon is yet another mystery in the life cycle of a McLeanite.