Here are some exercises one can do to get into Spring Break shape. Girls love tall, tan, hunky guys–it’s a fact. If you aren’t planning on going to the beach as an unnoticeable beam pole that girls will more likely trip over than notice, you should follow these simple steps to get noticed and look hot.

1. Hit the gym! If you don’t belong to one, get a job as a worker at a rock quarry or as a lumberjack.  Both these jobs will also give you a sexy rustic look. You could also try breaking into a gym and using the equipment. When somebody spots you and chases you out, you’ll get your cardio!

2. We run an extensive training course that will give you the body you deserve–feel free to sign up! We’ll have you outrunning tractors, outwitting tigers, and losing a few pounds! While we’re not necessarily “certified” to run a physical training program, you could use the help so there’s no need to raise a ruckus.

3. Get tall! This may be easier said than done, but there are a couple of ways to increase your height. You could have your friends hook you up to a medieval rack to stretch you out. Make sure to take regular breaks because these were literally made to rip people’s limbs off. Those of you who fall asleep on tanning beds should be forewarned; the rack is no place to enter the delicious arms of slumber–every dream brings you six inches closer to a Guiness World Record…or death.

4. Be tan! You have to be tan before you show up on the beach. It can be utterly embarrassing to take off your shirt and have your pale skin reflect the light and blind your best friend. You can go to a tanning salon, but people can spot an unnatural tan a fortnight away. Your best bet is to go up on a roof that gets a lot of sun and lie there for a couple hours. Tan lines are gross, so you might as well make sure it’s the tallest building in town (or the lowest–whatever strikes your fancy), before heading up there in your birthday suit.

5.  Girls love tight, form fitting clothing. If you are planning on going to the beach get a couple Speedos or a cheeky one piece. Nothing will show off your tight buns and thighs like a cheeky suit, and the attention from beautiful women admiring your new chiseled physique won’t hurt either.

6. Who says that your “Spring Break Body” has to be your own? Body costumes are a great way to go–personally, we’re a big fan of full-body armor and jumpsuits.