1. Vacation in a tourist trap
Nothing screams “summer bliss” like visiting a destination where the locals despise tourists. Choose a place where you can jostle with thongs of selfie-stick wielders like Travis Scott’s Astroworld concert and pay triple for everything. Remember, nothing says “relaxation” like standing in line for two hours to see a slightly larger-than-average rock.
2. Sun poisoning is always trendy
Neglect the sunscreen this summer and really connect with UV rays, making sure to bake in the middle of the day. Although damaged skin cells tend to flake off, guaranteeing pretty nasty looks in public, you’ll have a memorable experience visiting your pediatrician when you receive your dehydration scare.
3. Touch grass
Channel your inner Outdoor Boys and venture into nature. Be sure to pick the hottest, most mosquito-infested campground available. Revel in the joy of sleeping on the hard ground, cooking your meals over a fire that refuses to stay lit and being constantly alert for wildlife that may or may not want to eat you.
4. Host a barbecue.
Invite everyone you know for a barbecue in your backyard. Plan it for the hottest day of the year and forget to check for wasp nests beforehand. Serve food that is either charred to a crisp or dangerously undercooked. Remember, it’s not a real barbecue unless there’s at least one food incident.
5. Splurge on an expensive summer program
Why relax when you can invest in your future by paying a small fortune to attend a summer program? Shell out more money than you’ll ever spend on rent to take classes that vaguely resemble the ones you’ll be taking in a few months anyway. Revel in the privilege of living in a cramped dorm room with a roommate who snores like a freight train. Enjoy dining hall food that will make you yearn for the culinary finesse of your high school cafeteria. And don’t forget the invaluable experience of navigating a campus that’s either sweltering hot or perpetually under construction.
6. Stay indoors and complain
For those who prefer a more sedentary approach, simply stay indoors with the AC cranked up. Spend your days binge-watching TV shows you don’t really like, scrolling through social media and complaining about how hot it is. Occasionally venture outside to remind yourself why you hate summer. It could eventually become a full-time gig.
7. Get a summer job
Find yourself a summer job that pays minimum wage and requires maximum effort. Enjoy the satisfaction of working while everyone else is having fun. Whether it’s flipping burgers at Shake Shack, lifeguarding or selling overpriced ice cream, remind yourself that you’re building character – something to include in those juicy college supplementals next year. Admissions officers are absolutely going to eat that up.
