Valentine’s Day exists as the one day of true love, so long as your partner is willing to generously share their wallet with you. Through gallant demonstrations of love to prove their loyalties, these sweethearts single-handedly fuel the annual consumerism mania where their devotion is measured in the currency of roses, chocolates, and oversized teddy bears.

The weeks approaching doomsday are even more frightful than the day itself. Shades of magenta and crimson line the aisles of stores, extravagantly boasting their selection of boxed treats and pre-arranged bouquets. This is because love, like everything else, is a competition. Valentine’s Day is the ultimate rat race where the winner is determined not by the strength of the relationship but by the amount billed to your credit card company.

The gesture of gifting someone consumables or similar offerings is the ultimate equivalent of explicitly stating one’s affection for another person. Nothing says “I love you” like a bouquet of flowers that will wither away in a week. Heart-shaped boxes filled with chocolates are absolutely essential. What better way to express your undying love and affection than by contributing to each other’s expanding waistlines? Forget thoughtful gestures or heartfelt conversations; just hand over a $70 box of chocolates and call it romance.

Book a reservation at a fancy restaurant and take them out on a romantic dinner date. Prepare to be wooed by overpriced prix fixe menus and candlelit dinners that come with a side of price inflation. It’s not about the food; it’s about proving your love by bankrupting your savings account in a dimly lit restaurant.

Jewels are forever, and so is your financial commitment to proving your eternal love. A pair of emerald earrings may seem taxing on your credit card, but don’t you want your lover to know you’re serious? You can always take out a small loan. Honestly, the more zeros attached to the price of the gem, the more you value your partner. You’ll seriously appreciate the light it reflects when you’re slaving away to pay it back.

Instead of expressing their feelings through speech, as our species have done for tens of thousands of years, these lovesick pairings communicate their passion through the zeros on their credit card bill. Cupid’s arrows are just capitalist marketing strategies aimed straight at our wallets. Love, after all, is best expressed through a price tag. The more you spend, the deeper your affection. Nowadays, refusing to exaggerate your affection for someone on a certain day of the year by forcing on rose tinted glasses exists as a thought provoking concept. Thanks a lot, Saint Valentine!