A Fairfax County man was convicted yesterday after a highly publicized trial where he was accused of stoning a couple in a local park. The rock-throwing assailant, identified as 22-year-old Tom Myers, reportedly approached the couple and stared at them for several minutes before suddenly hurling a rock at them. Myers defended his actions by citing “excessive public displays of affection” as his primary motivation.

Mark Stevens, 29, was allegedly pelted with rocks for “the audacity” of holding his girlfriend’s hand on a park bench. “We were just sitting there,” Stevens recounted to reporters from the safety of his hospital bed, where he is recovering from a fractured rib. “It was a nice day, and I held her hand. Big mistake, apparently.” Myers described the couple’s behavior as “disturbing.”

According to Myers, his actions were “a matter of self-preservation,” and he decided to take matters into his own hands—literally. “I thought, if I can’t escape their love, then maybe they can’t escape this rock,” Myers said.

His defense attorney argued that Myers was under “significant emotional duress,” having recently been ghosted on three consecutive dating apps, leaving him “deeply scarred.” Myers called the act “the closest thing to closure” he’d experienced since his ex-girlfriend, Julie, cheated on him with his brother last Valentine’s Day.

But this isn’t Myers’ first run-in with romance. Last year, he filed a restraining order against the local Target after he claimed that their Valentine’s Day decorations “triggered feelings of inadequacy.” In 2022, he sued Instagram for allowing his ex-girlfriend’s Valentine’s Day post to appear on his feed, claiming it was an “unwanted reminder of his inability to form lasting relationships.” In another incident, Myers was involved in a public altercation where he was caught tarring and feathering a couple who was “hugging too loudly.”

Stevens and his girlfriend were left shaken by the incident, though their relationship survived the stoning. The couple has declined to press charges, citing pity for Myers’ “obvious lack of emotional stability.” They are reportedly planning on turning the ordeal into a motivational TikTok series.

Myers will be required to complete 100 hours of community service, as well as court-mandated therapy, where he will work on not overreacting to couples in public and learning how to meditate without throwing sharp objects.

“Every time I see a couple out there enjoying their date, I think of Julie,” Myers said. “And every time, I wonder why she never gave me the chance to hold her hand in public. If I can’t have it, no one should.”