*WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD*

Let me begin by saying that I am a huge GIlmore Girls fan. I have seen every episode. I have felt every love and every loss of the Gilmore clan. I wanted more than anything for the magic to continue with Netflix’s recent epilogue of sorts for the beloved show.

And yet, despite all my hope and excitement, Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life left me at its best sentimental, and at its worst bored.

The revival began with Winter, a time of year many gilmore Girls fans remember with fondness over the seven seasons of life in Stars Hollow. Right out of the gate, the show pulled all of the token heartstrings with a fast-talking mother-daughter reunion and a moment of joy in the snow. In those moments, I felt myself relax into the promise of the great return of the characters I love.

And then Paul happened.

I think if I tried to pinpoint the moment where the show began its decline downwards it was at the point when they threw forgettable Paul into the mix. Although producers threw in some redeeming cameos of Luke and Hemp Alien, the rest of Winter, and the revival honestly, was nothing more than a depressing foray into the life of Rory. But, let me start with the good.

I loved the town hall meeting, the festivals, the one woman dynamo who goes by the name of Paris Geller, and the reveal that there is, in fact, a Mr. Kim. I loved their heartfelt and genuine portrayal of grief after the death of Richard Gilmore. I loved how Emily and Lorelei’s therapy sessions reminded me of my own mother and grandmother. I thought Palladino held on to the authentic female relationships that drove the show. I loved that Logan Huntzberger was even more of a babe than when we last saw him (ignoring his relationship status). I thought Luke’s pride in Rory made my heart hurt.

My favorite scenes of the revival, as in the original series, were those involving Paris. I thought her job was fitting for her take no prisoners personality and drive. I thought her empty briefcase made her relatable and real. I laughed with my whole body when she confronted her demons at a day back at Chilton. And I still think her and Doyle and the dream couple. I was over the moon when I discovered Paris had children while still maintaining her career and prickly exterior. All in all, she was a major redeeming factor for the show.

Unfortunately, not even the glory of Paris Geller in a pantsuit was enough to dig the revival out of its own, very deep hole. Where did it go wrong? I would say right around the point where they decided to make Rory the very definition of a hot mess.

She lost her job, her motivation, her confidence. In any other character, that sort of struggle makes them more human, more real. But in Rory, the poster child of the 2000s, it was simply sad. Throughout the original seven seasons, Rory was pure and genuine and brilliant. I looked at her and I saw someone to aspire to, someone to look up to. And then, flash forward all these years, Rory is a mess. Through all four episodes of A Year in the Life, all I saw was my role model becoming something less.

Some argue that this return to reality and the land of the authentic was honest and beautiful. I think that if I wanted reality I would have watched a documentary or the news. Part of the beauty of Gilmore Girls has always been the almost obvious impracticality of their existence. We all want to believe that there is a Stars Hollow out there for us to find and revel in the wonder of a perfect life. Gilmore Girls, which aired in the years surrounding 9/11, was fully intended to be an escape from the world. So, when I turned on the revival and found that they had tried to throw in some reality in my fantasy world, obviously I was upset.

Even worse, Palladino tried to hold onto the whimsical wonder of Stars Hollow as she ruined my image of a perfect and successful Rory. She gave us an Alice and Wonderland wedding and steampunk tango sessions that seemed incongruous with the reality that was simultaneously being presented. And, worst of all, they came full circle with two, infamous, angering, cliff-hanger filled words: “I’m pregnant.”

By the time those words left Rory’s mouth, I didn’t think I could be more irritated with the direction they took. Clearly I was wrong. Now, not only am I left with a broken Rory and a broken picture of life in Stars Hollow, but I am also stuck wondering what is going to happen.

The only thing that can sooth my soul at this point is a follow up of what was supposed to be an ending. And, hopefully, Netflix will hear my prayers.